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lay on me.
i'm who i am.

C:\Users\user\Documents\Gavin\My Pictures\XMAS09\IMG_5073.JPG

I'm a guy who ONLY love life.
Oh yes, I love hangout with friends and drink myself silly too, :D

strike out.

I want king
I wanna be queen too

hate talking.

Cbox recomended, perhaps w counter.

usual exits.

my lover
my gay lover
my lesbian lover
my bi lover

my days and surely not yours.

March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
January 2007
March 2007
July 2007
November 2009
July 2010

thank you and piss off.

Layout: Kary-yan/Missyan.
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Thursday, March 15, 2007

hai life is so sian recently...i havent been in my best of moods for a few weeks now... but i chose not to show it to anyone...i would just put on a smile and talk crap just to make myself feel better...i dunno whats wrong with me but i guess its the family crap i have been going through...it really sucks when your parents have the slightest problem in there relationship...when it all falls apart..what is left is just the dividing of property and money...and the children are the ones who gets hit the most... love in there minds is lost forever... i m glad it did not happen when i was much younger...but at this age i still feel the sorrow...i m sure my brother feels the same...although, we dont talk about it but some part of me feels really sucky when we have to hear about it from either party...that is not just all my problems... theres school, what i gonna do after my NS and how am i gonna juggle my part time degree and work in the future...am i thinking too much i ask myself sometimes... i feel i m not... its gonna be a reality in 6 months to come... plus i wouldnt know if i could leave for the States before my permit expires... will my she be kind enough to get me a ticket over there even though she is in bad terms with him? if i have saved the dough for it, will she be angry if i have gone? will my gf be sad if i went for too long? should i forgo my dream of going there just because of a girl who doesnt want me to leave and says she wont want to wait for me? is it a bad idea to promise her that i m not leaving? should i fight for my future instead of leaving it all to the Gods?
there are always all these things i got to think about..i cant tell anyone how i really feel and what i want to do... at times, i really wanna just go and seek out my real goal in life... i dont believe i will starve there...but will i be able to blend into the alien enviroment? will worse things happen there from even the worst that i have imagined? is it my fate that i have to do what i hate the most...stay at where i dont want to... will i forgive myself if i didnt take the risk to take a chance to move there and find a living there myself? i dont care if i am going to be a second class citzens but i would really want my kids to be born there... will my dreams come true? is it in partical to think this way? she told me i have unrealistic dreams and told me to give it up...and she doesnt want to leave her family and friends here...am i wasting her time if we carry on together? should i just stay single until i know what i want and where i want to go? should i tell her she might not be ready for what i want to do in life? should i let her know that although i love her so very much as my best friend and my darling girl, i wont want to see her be miserable because of what i want? will her family bear to let her leave for a far away place with me? should i go out there to get my citzenship before i tell her that i want her to come with me? so that she can have a better status there? is it time for us to really sit down and talk about all these? is she the one i should be thinking of marrying? if all doesnt work out, will i be able to let go? is it better to let her go before we are both too old? is it better to let her fine another man since she is still young?
I ask myself all these questions... none i can give an answer... i want to be different...i want to make it... life here is really too square and boy are we underpaid... from what i see its really not possible to really make my mark here... everything is restricted and there is not a single amount of creative space to do whatever you want...
GOD HELP ME...GIVE ME SIGNS TO LET ME KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!PLS I BEG OF YOU!!!


♥ 12:00 PM