I get drunk so easily nowadays... like i m a fresh and new drinker... just less than 4 jugs of whatever... i ll be fucked... i dunno the reason until last night... i gave in to the effects of the alcohol... i didnt control my mind telling it not to be drunk... not to close my eyes.... not to put more control into my movement... i was so drunk... i vomitted out my stomach juices... never happened to me before... disgusting.... i think the other reason is when youre unhappy, you get drunk very quickly... i mean very quickly... and the kick lasts longer...
The reason i gave in? its her... the reason i m unhappy? its her... does she care? no i dont think so... must wait until i look super drunk then she will come and ask if i m ok?....fuck off la... no miss call from you... no msg while i was missing... i come back then you ask me... wtf? please... youre just planting a knife deeper into me... the whole night didnt even look me in the eye... just want to smile at you oso feel fucked up.... i dunno la... i dont want to give up on her... i want to keep trying...but my fire is burning out... it almost died out last night.... m i doing too little for you? i can be very good to the ppl i care bout... i dunno i think you wont choose me even if you did not came out of a four year relationship... i m just a lil boy to you... i m just a stupid asshole whose willing to wait for your msg, your calls... always there to listen to your shit... on the phone like very close like that... but once i see you we like dont know one another... once i see its past midnight i send you a birthday msg... hahaha hao xing give dog eat... come back still say i not sincere... haha not sincere? what? then a stupid fucked up hug from you? bought a present for you... give you liao still not sincere is it? brought it down just for you not enough.... WHAT THE FUCK IS ENOUGH...? WhAT is? i really dunno.... you like the feeling of being chased is it? you like the feeling of a dumb ass fucking chee bye following your backside is it? getting angry because of you... but you dont really care lah... but you treat me like that never mind loh... you happy ma? you happy ok liao... thats all that matters to me... i dunno... i want to try my best to move you... all my best... if i can dig out my organs to make you feel moved, i will do it... but everytime you make me feel like dying when we are out... you will always call some friends to join us.. i dont mind i really dont... cos i can feel the weirdness coming from you... i know myself le...if she knows my feelings for her.... everything will be different - remember the first time i met you alone? just the two of us... although i haven had feelings for you during that time... i had a good time... i still remember you were wearing a black top, striped mini skirt, and necklace.... we went to TCC for lunch... we first sat somewhere in the center, then later we moved seats to the side... we talked, we laughed... that nice feeling is never gonna come back, never ever...
you know? the hug you gave me last night? dun think you remember giving me one ba... i wanted to hold you so tight? you know? haiz... but i didnt... i dunno why... i very confused... i think youre just waiting for me to give up and fuck off from your life... friends say my standard of girls dropped... haha i know... but now as i grow up... looks not important.... figure is nothing... all girls the same what... two boobs and a dark tunnel... as long as i know i like her... i m willing to do things for her... its more than enough...
Will you choose me if u never knew Shawn? should be NO ba... if during this time i made you like me... who cares bout how long you guys been together... who cares how long u guys broke up... its all excuses... you will be with me without even me asking... hahaha the problem is i dunno how to make the girls i like, like me back... haiz.... its now 915am... think she still sleeping ba... its her birthday today... see i did it again... i swallowed again... kaoz... Kaijie said if she choose me now... i wont get 100 percent love from her... but does she know i dont need 100 percent from her? 80 will be good enough... the next 20 i will work hard for it... haiz... to me she still has feelings for her ex... and she says she hates him...its crap... i bet she will fly back to him the moment he asks her back... if i lose my surname change to yours... its really the law that when a guy treats a girl badly she will come back for more... she will love him even more... she will be stressed out...but not the guy and the guy will be happy and in control of her life... the more you heck care bout a person, there will be more possiblity that you can get that person... but the more you care...the hurt gets worst... and its impossible for anything to happen between both of you... on this fucked up note...i will stop here... stop another sad sad blog... And can you see that i m giving in again as i m writing my blog? its really a miserable and sad blog site...
♥ 8:18 PM
