Oh good God!!! Its already 2010 and July is almost coming to an end!!! Its gonna be my birthday in 3 days. Wow!!! Time really do fly... And what have I done for myself...Basically, not much!!! DAMN IT!!! Its time for me to work out a list of things to do and not waste it away like that. I will never retiree in time to travel the world...

♥ 10:14 AM

It was a bad Sunday morning to start a fight...In fact, in any case any fight at anytime is never a good one...It really felt like it was not settled since last night after my Dinner and Dance...Wanted to join my colleagues for some fun and drinks but it was INTERRUPTED by you know who... I admit its my fault, I did not make it clear that I wanted to go out after that...All I could hear was someone needing me...Yes, I was disappointed...I wanted to drink...I wanted to scream, laugh, talk crap with my friends...but in the end I ended up in another person's place just because I dont want any more fights...I am tired and fucking sick of it...All that crap just makes me want to puke...Flashbacks of friends telling me that having a relationship was not easy and fights are always happening...made me wanna laugh...Wooo but now...its true...its fucking true...I feel I lost my freedom even though I feel its me that allowed it to happen... When was the last time I had a good time drinking and not worry about anything?? Hmmmm, yea it was when she was overseas, I had my long awaited night of freedom, peace and FUN... Am I not matured enough? Am I that playful? I dont think so...seriously, I dont find myself drinking or partying till I dont go home or not meet her when I am suppose too... Yes, there are times when I was still having a hangover and I still met up with her but at least I know I have an appointment. God...like OH MY GOD... things or anything was so much simpler when I was single... I fucking wish I am like NOW!!! I love to drink and get high...Is that a very difficult thing to understand...after reading the post I put up 2 years ago I was like...hey this god damn problem is still here...WTF!!! Its drinking all along...not partying, not womanizing, not overspending...its drinking... Yes, at times I would like a nice quiet night at home, cuddling, kissing...doing what little couple will do...And at other times, I want to go out...have fun...drink till I puke my guts out...which by the way is not what always happen...But, you know what? I get affected by you...I get affected by the way you feel... I can just hear what you say in my head everything I go for drinks...think about it...is it worth to get worked up everytime I go enjoy myself?? Must you count the time I go and dont go to drink? WTF, what is your problem? I dont revolve around you...I really dont... I have a life...I have a thing called friends...Seriously, I would really miss you more if you dont care about me so much... Seriously, humans are that cheap and it works for both sexes... If you give me the freedom to go drink and have my fun...I would come back to you feeling that I love you more...Wah my girl is cool, she can really let me do what I want...That is really what I want...thats all I need...

♥ 6:55 PM

hello blog lol .....its been ages i see... frankly, i am getting really lazy thats why i can be bothered to be blogging or i just feel that problems in life aint gonna go away even if i write it all out...i think it just sucks...

problems with my gf... that is totally a different level of misery really... the frustrations you can face are those you can ever believe... before i had one i can never understand what those attached ppl can face...OMG!!! I know... i know what it means to consider the other party's feelings when you do even the slightest thing.... going to a club just to have fun without your other half? OH my HOLY god its a HUGE mistake... you have to even watch what you fucking say and not be so "Insenstive"... its really a chore...no kidding... its like when i am single things werent so complicated at all...its was lonely and when i see couples on the streets it just feels like shit... but now that i am attached for like more than a year and the half i feel that it has came with sacrifices... i wont say i am not happy with my other half but sometimes when i would wanna have fun and go drinking with my friends, she just dont get it... after a few rows of fights just because of this... she sort of like given up...now she says i can go for drinks but not as often... well, i feel its always like that...just the way of her getting used to it...

Cmon...i need my friends...i need to hang out with them... i know what i want...so i wont go around clubs to know girls or to have one night stands.... you know? if i would want those things i wouldnt even consider a relationship...i mean what for? i have tons of chicks to sleep with... lets be real here...guys want sex and sex only.... they just like to cum...lol but girls want only one guy...they are emotional...thats how they work... not that guys dont want a normal relationship but girls dont know when to stop being controlling...

its not like i go clubbing and drinking every night and dont bother about her...told her explaination but she just doesnt get it... if she wants a guy that doesnt drink and wanna have fun with my friends...she might as well find a loser that has no friends or even better a life... so he can be with her all the time and even when she is doing her personal stuff..she can rest assure he is at home doing nothing cos he is just a loser....

I dont know after the last fight and the explaining, i think she kinda gets it... i know she hates to go drinking and staying late sitting at some bar or fancy pub...well, i have tried to bring her along and hopes to let her see the pure fun i am trying to have with my friends... too bad after a few times she cant take it...she just gets reall bored and we will be fighting again... after the demsey road incident...i swore to myself never to bring my gf to any place with drinking and my friends involved...its just such a let down...i have to constantly pay attention to her... if she doesnt drink its worse...but anyway, i have learnt to to mix those two together... its never gonna work...i think unless its with her friends as well... but still i would have to look out for her all night... i m sure something will cock up no matter how well the arrangements are.... girls are trouble at some point of time especially when you least expected it...

so advice to myself... listed with some points i got from the GOD Tom Leykis...a US radio talk show DJ...
1. Never find a gf until you achieved everything in life
2. Never find one when youre like below 30yrs old(for guys)
3. Never set a standard when you are dating her..be an ASSHole
4. Let her know all though you are with her...you have choices...shes not the only one
5. Leave her if she does not want to have SEX with you
6. Never promise her you want to marry her....NEVER, its crap
7. Let her know you have a LIFE and you NEED to be out with your friends
8. Never let her question what you do unless its something illegal...lol just dont do anything unfaithful
9. LEt her know your life doesnt revolve around her
10. wear a condom..always protect yourself
yea thats about it... bottom line never have a serious gf...doesnt benefits the way a man think and work....it jut doesnt...ask your player friends...they will tell you how happy they are...

♥ 12:14 AM

hai life is so sian recently...i havent been in my best of moods for a few weeks now... but i chose not to show it to anyone...i would just put on a smile and talk crap just to make myself feel better...i dunno whats wrong with me but i guess its the family crap i have been going through...it really sucks when your parents have the slightest problem in there relationship...when it all falls apart..what is left is just the dividing of property and money...and the children are the ones who gets hit the most... love in there minds is lost forever... i m glad it did not happen when i was much younger...but at this age i still feel the sorrow...i m sure my brother feels the same...although, we dont talk about it but some part of me feels really sucky when we have to hear about it from either party...that is not just all my problems... theres school, what i gonna do after my NS and how am i gonna juggle my part time degree and work in the future...am i thinking too much i ask myself sometimes... i feel i m not... its gonna be a reality in 6 months to come... plus i wouldnt know if i could leave for the States before my permit expires... will my she be kind enough to get me a ticket over there even though she is in bad terms with him? if i have saved the dough for it, will she be angry if i have gone? will my gf be sad if i went for too long? should i forgo my dream of going there just because of a girl who doesnt want me to leave and says she wont want to wait for me? is it a bad idea to promise her that i m not leaving? should i fight for my future instead of leaving it all to the Gods?
there are always all these things i got to think about..i cant tell anyone how i really feel and what i want to do... at times, i really wanna just go and seek out my real goal in life... i dont believe i will starve there...but will i be able to blend into the alien enviroment? will worse things happen there from even the worst that i have imagined? is it my fate that i have to do what i hate the most...stay at where i dont want to... will i forgive myself if i didnt take the risk to take a chance to move there and find a living there myself? i dont care if i am going to be a second class citzens but i would really want my kids to be born there... will my dreams come true? is it in partical to think this way? she told me i have unrealistic dreams and told me to give it up...and she doesnt want to leave her family and friends here...am i wasting her time if we carry on together? should i just stay single until i know what i want and where i want to go? should i tell her she might not be ready for what i want to do in life? should i let her know that although i love her so very much as my best friend and my darling girl, i wont want to see her be miserable because of what i want? will her family bear to let her leave for a far away place with me? should i go out there to get my citzenship before i tell her that i want her to come with me? so that she can have a better status there? is it time for us to really sit down and talk about all these? is she the one i should be thinking of marrying? if all doesnt work out, will i be able to let go? is it better to let her go before we are both too old? is it better to let her fine another man since she is still young?
I ask myself all these questions... none i can give an answer... i want to be different...i want to make it... life here is really too square and boy are we underpaid... from what i see its really not possible to really make my mark here... everything is restricted and there is not a single amount of creative space to do whatever you want...
GOD HELP ME...GIVE ME SIGNS TO LET ME KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!PLS I BEG OF YOU!!!

♥ 12:00 PM

Damn...opps i said a swear word...but i meant it lol... got to catch American Idol season god knows what...i simply lost track of that freaking show...but still it was an amazing show...hats off to the producers and everyone on that show...again, its been proven once again that the americans has more creativity and the freedom to produce a wonderful show...C'mon its a reality series...it is meant for them to exploit everything in it... the first auditions, i should say its the funniest part of the whole competition... they actually took all the lousy, off-tune contestants and remixed them into a Pussycat dolls hit- 'Dont cha'...hell!! it was so funny...i felt a wee bit of pity for some of them, that we are laughing at their bad and terrible out of this world singing or yelling for some...haha but after 3 seconds i thought what the hell?!... stop being so sympathic and act like i care...
I actually tried to recall if we did it on our Singapore Idol but i really cant remember if we made fun of our people cos i remember i did not laugh as much lol...hmmm but i think if we were to do this for Singapore Idol...we might get alots of complains on the forum of our one and only newspaper, The Straits Times...by some unhappy contestants, viewers with nothing better to do or just some cock buggers with letters like, why we not supportive about our people who has the guts to join and we are discouraging our people blah blah... but if you think about it if you are good...who will make fun of you? if you really went for some decent training before you even join. still, some cockster will be arriving for the auditions thinking that he or she can sing and be the next idol of the country, sad to say they usually get kicked out in less than 10 seconds and we will be spending the next one week laughing when we think about how hilarious and weird their singing was...muahahaha if any idol wannabes sees this, you might be pissed haha i dont fucking care...but hey without you the show would not even be a hit... if you can be famous why not be infamous right? lol
talent, talent, talent... we are still seriously lacking of it... our idol champion here seriously wont even last a day in the American Idol where everyone over there sings so much better. yah yah..you will say we are asians la, they more power la cos they ang moh...but look at Jasmine one of the contestants from the previous previous season..shes asian with some pan islander blood but still asian... she reached the top few...ok then you will say only one of a few ma... yea cos there is a smaller asian community as compared to the rest of the different ethnic groups over there... i truly believe we are all the same...we may be different in built and colour but with the proper training we can sing like the ang mohs can or do whatever they can...Yao ming is asian chinese to be exact but he can play in the NBA or Ji-Sung Park from Manchester United he is asian...but he has been playing with the ang mohs for a long time even our local hero Fandi Ahmad was once offered a place in Ajax and besides as you can tell from the show not all of the americans can sing... So all i want to say is we can never set a trend for the world to follow cos we are so small and our thinking is still so old-fashioned and we are so scared of taking risks... i believe we have the talent...unfortunately, we aint got enviroment for it to grow into something we as singaporeans can be proud of.

♥ 9:40 AM

omg its been such a very long time since i wrote anything on this pathetic blog of mine...lol hmmm what have i been up to? NS, GF, SCH and the cycle repeats itself...lol its 2007 already...omg thats very fast...this year is gonna be a good one i hope...finishing my ns this year gonna plan my trip to the States as well but all its in the last part of the year but i cant wait...now its just my school that i m worry about...constantly, telling myself that i must do well in my school but in the end i m just too lazy and i will defiantly do it in the last min when it comes to my exams...oh god...when will i stop doing this stupid, stressful and non fruitful thing...oh well, i guess a leopard never changes its spot...thats just me man... but how to succeed if you dont fucking work hard?...determination is what i lack and seriously need man...it all boils down to that...
2006...hmmm its been a great year really...known many new friends and did a lot of new things and most of all i knew my dear dear...wow its been exactly a year...we've been together for exactly for a full year...yesterday was our anniversary...wow... time flew by just like*blinks* that...but i would say we been through a lot...but this past year thought me a hell lot about being in a relationship...i should say it aint an easy job... lots of stuff to consider whenever you wanna do anything... sometimes, i really feel like just surrendering to the mighty power of love...lol and let things be....let natural take its course...its less energy wasting that way...i know i have more to learn and more will come...we will either go up a level or plunge right down...i dunno...but shes a wonderful partner...simply love her to bits but sometimes just feel like popping her head with my bare hands...lol tats love i guess...a total mix of all the feelings you can ever have or you never thought you had and feeling it all at once...lol oh gosh....but i love her and dear, i dont mind that you are fleshy...anyway, its just youre just built with bigger frame, not like our typical sinagporean girls who are relatively smaller size...of cos i want you to slim down if you can...its healthier and you can wear any clothes you wish....but i just like the way you are now...you are loveable in your own unique way...thats why i like you in the first place...thats why i still do now...you silly baby...so cute...*pinches her cheeks* muahhaha.... everytime, i think about us i would feel really sweet and warm...so nice to have you as my partner...i finally found a nice girl, who can relate to whatever i say and think... i really cant find another you...i really doubt it...all its 230am already...time to hit my sack...lol

♥ 2:00 AM

Hai...hows life? its ok...cos work sucks...always got to find transport for my bosses...you may think its a small thing, but its the begging of ppl thats sucky... i was taught to go bond with the other NS guys so my working life will be much easier...but i dont know...where got so easy? everyone got their own things to to...own life to lead... sometimes, when i cant do it, i feel i m a failure...it sucks really...i really have no idea what to do... hai...maybe i will try from now to bond with them so they can help me...cos maybe they think i only find them well i need them...which is bad...but thing is i never have that kind of thought, if i can i would never want to trouble them or whatever... God, please help me...
my tiredness has grown back on me... i m really tired... tired of just meeting the same person all the time... i really need my friends...i really need time with myself too... this sucks..i always think its all understood... but its seems its not... so i m feeling very fucked up...you cant have too much of something... fuck it...i m going out this week to have a drink...i dont want to feel like a fucking caged animal...fuck!!!

♥ 7:07 AM